I don’t want to say I miss you because I’m pretty sure I don’t. I don’t miss the pain you put me through. I don’t miss how horribly you treated me. I don’t miss your goofy smile I used to love so much. I miss how you were there for me before all hell broke loose. I miss the way you could just say one thing to cheer me up. I miss the way I could do that for you. I miss the fact that you would have done anything for me.

I just want to find this with someone again. Why is this so damn hard to do?

I hate feeling alone. I’m lonely all the time. I talk to guys here and there, and they suffice for a little while. But then I remember how much fun it used to be to go on dates, and how great it felt to be treated right by someone. And hanging out just doesn’t cut it. Now I know I don’t want to go to college with a boyfriend, because come on. Who wouldn’t want to meet a hell of a lot of hot older guys?

I just want to feel wanted. I don’t feel like I am by anyone. Maybe that’s selfish of me. I just want to feel the way you made me feel. I want a guy who is willing to go out of his way to make me happy. Whether it’s showing up to my house unexpectedly with the most beautiful white roses or just walking me to class even though you know.it’ll make you late. It’s those little things that make someone special to me.

It’s those little things I crave more than anything now.

I’m better than this. You’re not worth all the hurt you’ve caused me. You know how much I cared about you. You through that away. You lied. You’re now flirting with a girl you constantly talked shit about when we were together. Maybe I am clingy. I know damn well you don’t deserve me anymore. And I know I can do better than you. You’ve made me feel completely and utterly worthless. But honestly, that’s what you are to me now. You told me we’d get back together and make it through this. Obviously you didn’t mean it. And I’m glad. Up until recently, I would have taken you back in a heart beat. Now? You’re shit. Your best friend has even said you’re a dipshit for dumping me. So. Fuck you. Fuck you and anything that has to do with you. I’m done caring. I’m done wondering if you’ll look at me when we brush by each other in the hallways now. I’m done getting jealous. I’m done with you. I’m strong. I can make it through this.